


Lexa In A Therapy Session Before Quality Ingredients Begins

by HurricaneJane



Series: Quality Ingredients One Shots [21]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Therapy Session
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 08:02:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27589922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HurricaneJane/pseuds/HurricaneJane
Summary: Tumblr Ask:I was just reading the one shot about Indra and Clarke meeting. And Indra mentions that Lexa was depressed. Can we get more insight into that?Takes place about a month before the opening of Quality Ingredients.
Series: Quality Ingredients One Shots [21]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1589668
Kudos: 68





	Lexa In A Therapy Session Before Quality Ingredients Begins

“I don’t even really know how to describe it,” Lexa sighed.

“That’s okay. Just start describing how you feel, and we’ll take it as it goes,” her therapist shrugged. “No wrong answers. We’re just talking.”

When she moved home to Maine after her post-Costia European wandering, Lexa got back into therapy regularly. She grew up with it, and came and went from it throughout her life, and she knew herself well enough to know that it was time to go back.

She and her therapist had known each other for a few years now. She was there as Lexa finished up her degree, opened Houm, dealt with the aftermath of her life with Costia and came into her own at Woods Financial.

It had been an eventful three years.

“I’m having a hard time reconciling my booming professional success and all the personal progress I’ve made with the fact that I’m so bored and almost,” Lexa paused to search her brain for exactly what it was. The feeling she’d been trying to sort out. 

It was in her bones, always lurking, whispering something she couldn’t hear well enough to understand, but couldn’t ignore.

“Even when I’m around people, and I’m around hundreds of people all the time,” Lexa rolled her eyes.

Houm was a huge success. They were at capacity every night of the summer. She had taken on a larger role and more responsibility at Woods Financial. Running her restaurant group was a social experience. She traveled almost once a month to see another hundred people she knew.

Her therapist waited for her to find the words. Sometimes it took her a minute.

“It doesn’t make any sense, but I’ve just been so fucking lonely,” Lexa’s voice hitched. 

“Have you been spending time with Anya?” Her therapist relaxed. She’d been waiting for Lexa to come to this conclusion for months.

“No,” Lexa sighed. “The summer is tough. It’s my busiest season with all the restaurants. They need me in the kitchen when it’s that busy,” Lexa leaned back in her chair. A sense of relief at admitting the truth made her shoulders dip. “She’s busy at work and she’s making sure to spend a lot of time with Aden at the island house on the weekends. He’s getting old. It’s probably their last summer he wants to hang out with her all the time. I need to let her have that.”

“Sure,” her therapist shrugged. “Are you still having a lot of casual sex?”

“No,” Lexa scratched her chin in thought. “I stopped doing that a while ago.”

“What made you stop?”

“Honestly?” Lexa crossed her legs and got comfortable now that the words were flowing freely. “It was making it worse.”

“How’s that?”

“I haven’t been partying anymore. It used to be about the thrill of the whole thing. The wining and the dining and showing off and schmoozing. I was playing a character. I was a cartoon image of myself. It used to be FUN,” Lexa said with a sad smile. “It’s empty now, somehow. Going home with the hottest woman there that you’ll never see again after being the biggest dog in the bar and blowing lines off her bare chest in the bathroom is really different than meeting someone on Tinder, getting drinks neither of us want that I have to pay for in a town where everyone knows each other, and then going back to my house to fuck so she can tell her friends she’s been there.”

“How are you spending your down time?” her therapist made a note to circle back but wanted to keep Lexa talking while she was so open with herself.

“I don’t really have any,” Lexa shrugged. “Which is predominately by design.”

“If you’re too busy, it’s not your fault that you’re lonely,” her therapist half smiled.

“Right,” Lexa replied shyly knowing she’d been caught. “And I love living here. I love Portland and I love the restaurant here and being a short drive from Anya is huge, and it’s been incredible getting to know Aden again as a young man,” Lexa trailed off.

“But?”

“But I’m big city famous in a small city that I own half of and it’s fucking impossible to meet people,” Lexa blurted out. “I go through the motions every day of making sure everything I own runs properly, but I worked so hard that it all runs itself now. I have no time to do anything, but at the same time I have nothing to do, and I don’t even know who I’d do it with. I don’t even really have any friends that don’t work for me or share blood with me. I can’t figure out what the fuck to do with myself. I have everything. I have so much, and I’m so grateful and I’m so proud of everything I’ve done and accomplished but what the fuck’s the point if you have no one to share it with?”

“I’ve been waiting for you to get here for a little while,” her therapist sighed. “I’m glad you did.”

“So, what the hell do I do?” Lexa raised a brow.

“What the hell do you want to do?” Her therapist quirked one right back.

“I want,” Lexa began. She paused and sorted her thoughts carefully. “I want to sleep well. I want to laugh at someone’s jokes and share food just because it tastes good and not because it has relevance. I want someone to treat me well because they like me and not because they WANT something from me. I want to give a fuck about what I’m cooking and eating and not just eating because I realized I didn’t eat yesterday.”

“And?”

“And I just want to be myself. My REAL self,” Lexa put her hands over her face. Frustrated tears were brewing. “And I want to know what that even means and know what that feels like and know that finally it’s just,” she swallowed hard. She hadn’t fully admitted any of it to herself, but it was always there bubbling under the surface.

“That it’s just what?”

“That it’s enough.”


End file.
